


Men in Black? Really? Is that what you’re called?

by nightdrvke



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Men in Black (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I know this is a mess, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Men In Black AU, More Relationships to be added, Multi, POV Clark, Probably a little OOC, Slow Burn, also i lit rally tagged all the characters even if they won't always be there, btw kori and kon are aliens, but i thought it would make it easier to understand the fic, eventually, mostly - Freeform, my bad i guess, since everyone's name will be agent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 17:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20642741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightdrvke/pseuds/nightdrvke
Summary: The first time Clark crossed paths with the Men in Black, he was only eight years old, growing up in Kansas in a huge farm, and he had no idea those two men were different from any other men in black suits.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!  
before i let you start reading i need to remind everyone that english is not my first language and that it hasnt been much since ive got into dc so if there are any mistakes or if any of the characters are a bit ooc: iM SORRY!!  
im doing my best which is not much so pls bear with me pls??  
anyway, i recently watched MIB International and i fell in love with it and i thought hey this could make a great superbat fic!! so here i am lol hope you enjoy the ride i guess,,  
oh and there will be eventually mature content but im waiting till i actually get there to tag it,,
> 
> i also want to thank users tonystarklovebot and sensesonfire for beta-reading this first chapter, you helped a lot!!
> 
> well, let me know what you think with a comment maybe??  
and enjoy i guess!!

The first time Clark crossed paths with the Men in Black, he was only eight years old, growing up in Kansas in a huge farm, and he had no idea those two men were different from any other men in black suits. Of course back then Clark had only seen a limited amount of men in black suits, because not many people worked in offices there in Smallville, where his parents lived. The two men came knocking on their door one day, stating they had been called because of a terrible bug infestation and were to isolate the perimeter until the problem was solved. Clark’s parents, of course, argued that there was absolutely no bug infestation, since they had checked the entire farm just a couple of days earlier, and that, anyway, they hadn’t called anyone to come and take care of bugs. Now, while all of this happened, young Clark was in his room, spying from behind one of the curtains, curious already about the world and all the things that were different from the reality he was used to.

“I’m sorry but I have to ask you to leave my property now” came his father’s voice from the porch where they were all standing, and Clark could tell by the tone of it that his Pa was trying not to be rude with the two strangers. Their car, the boy noticed, was big and black, shiny like their tractor right after Pa cleaned it, but there was something about it that was simply off, to Clark’s opinion. It looked like one of those cars the feds had on tv, that for sure, but at the same time it looked so futuristic, and Clark wondered, because he was eight and everything seemed possible at that time, if the car could maybe fly.

“Alright, another one of those” was the answer one of the two men gave, even though it looked like he wasn’t talking to Ma and Pa but only to his colleague. Clark hid a little more behind the curtains, knowing full well that his parents had told the men he was sleeping in his room, and observed in shock as six other black cars appeared in front of the house, and men dressed in black exactly like the first two started getting out of them and exploring the perimeter. At that, of course, Clark’s father started arguing with the two men, shouting that they were not allowed to do as they pleased and, most of all, he kept asking where the hell all those cars came from. And it was at that moment that Clark noticed something moving right next to the barn, something big and dark, moving quite fast and going right towards Clark’s window. He wanted to shout, to call his Ma and Pa and ask them to keep him safe, but at the same time he didn’t want the men in black to know he was awake and lose that strategic observing point, and so Clark waited, staring at that beast and hoping someone would do something before it was too late. The creature, now that it was getting closer, looked like a huge cockroach with six limbs and two long antennae crowning the top of its head. It was terrifying, and Clark knew right when he noticed it also had big claws at the end of its limbs, that he was going to see that thing in his nightmares for the rest of his life.

Just when the Thing was about to reach the apple tree next to the house, a blue laser hit it, and right after that a red one did, and with that the beast collapsed, its huge body covering most of the daisies Ma spent so much time watering every two days. Clark made sure he was still covered by the curtains as he observed two of those men aiming big shiny guns at the now defeated monster, probably trying to see if there still were any signs of life. He wondered what kind of guns those were, since they kinda looked like the ones he and his friends had used when they’d played laser tag, but at the same time they actually killed that thing so they must have been real guns decorated in shiny colours. And then again, didn’t guns fire bullets? Because Clark was pretty sure those colourful lasers were not normal bullets like the ones they used in cops shows, they looked a lot more like the ones Captain Kirk used in almost every episode of Star Trek, and Clark had been told Star Trek was fictional and nothing he saw on that show was to be considered part of reality. Did his parents lie to him? Or did those men in black come from Star Trek? Was there a possibility that he was dreaming everything? Clark pinched himself right above his wrist and no, he definitely wasn’t dreaming, he was awake and still hidden behind the curtains of his bedroom window.

“Fucking Bugs” commented one of the men with the laser guns, right before taking off his dark sunglasses.

“I swear to God if this wasn’t the last one, I’m quitting” replied the other, imitating his colleague and pocketing his sunglasses as well.

“I bet those at the New York branch don’t have to deal with shit like this in places as shitty as fucking Kansas” and yes, Clark thought the man was being a little offensive there, since he was one of those kids who loved living in Smallville, far away from the noise of big cities.

“Lucky bastards” agreed the other man as they both started walking back to the cars, oblivious of Clark still observing all their moves. He followed them as they got back into one of the cars and then started leaving, slowly getting smaller as they drove further away from Kent’s farm.

Clark’s father, the boy then noticed, was now staring in shock at the huge creature laying right in front of the house, while his Ma was asking a bunch of very detailed questions to the two men still standing in front of them, demanding to know what that thing was and what kind of disinfestation agency they were running. Just as his dad was about to say something and finally break his shock-silence, another one of those men pointed a big white gun to the creature’s body and, with just a small green laser, he made everything disappear, and all that was left in front of the Kents’ eyes were some crushed daisies. Clark had to pinch himself another time, because what his eyes were showing him was definitely impossible, but that time again, just as a couple of minutes before, the boy realised that he wasn’t dreaming and therefore a man with a laser gun had really made a huge bug disappear right in front of his bedroom window.

“Now, there’s a really simple explanation to all the crazy things you’ve just witnessed” started one of the two men still standing in front of Clark’s parents, and he had a big smile on his face, like he was trying to sell them a lovely but fake story.

“Yes, if you would just take a look at these here” continued his colleague, and they both took a couple of silver sticks, holding them right in front of Ma and Pa’s faces. Clark was trying really hard to see whatever his parents were supposed to see, but nothing happened but a quick flash, and then the two men in black pocketed the sticks again.

“As I was telling you, sir, all the problems have been solved and we’re now ready to go” as the man was telling this to Pa, Clark noticed that all the other men had already got back into their cars and were now quickly disappearing from his sight.

“Oh, sure, thank you” was the only thing Clark’s father managed to reply, looking a little confused.

“No sir, thank you both for your collaboration” and Clark was only eight years old but even he could tell that was sarcasm.

“No problem!” assured his mother with a smile, and Clark wondered how it was possible that his Ma was smiling right after having seen that beast dead on her beautiful daisies. The two men in black nodded, took off their dark sunglasses and got back into their car, driving away just as all the other had done just minutes before them.

The day after, Clark tried to ask his parents about the huge bug, making comments about having heard some voices the previous night, but all his parents could tell him was that some nice men had come to ask a few questions and then left. Weird, was all Clark could think about that. And even after a couple of days, when Ma yelled at him for destroying all her daisies while playing outside, Clark still couldn’t figure out how his parents decided to forget about the beast and move on with their lives. The boy even asked them if they were keeping secrets from him, because he knew one of the rules in the family was that no secrets were to be ever kept, but they both assured him nothing else had happened the night the men in black had visited. And after a while, Clark simply stopped asking, mostly because his parents were getting annoyed by all his alien stories, but also because he finally understood that something those men in black had said or done that night had removed a part of his parents memories. And Clark was only eight years old at the time, but he was damn sure he was going to find out what it was.

−

Years passed, and Clark finally graduated high school. He had received a lot of offers from prestigious colleges that wanted him both for his high academic scores and his amazing football skills, and he decided to pick the one with the best journalism course, because even if he had spent all those years making researches on his own, he knew he needed some help in order to finally get the answers he wanted. And so he attended college, and right out of it he was offered a position as journalist in more than ten papers, included the local one in Smallville, where his parents still lived. They were thrilled, of course, at the idea of having their own son writing the news of the town, but Clark had other plans. Clark still remembered what two of the men dressed in black had said back when he was only eight years old and hiding behind the curtains of his bedroom, and the young man picked one of New York’s best newspaper, ready to explore the city and find the NY Branch, as that man had called it back then.

Working as a journalist turned out to be a lot of fun. Clark got to write about almost everything, going from the daily routine of a New York City’s runner, and yes, most of them went running in Central Park because they thought it was cool, to writing crime stories about the best detectives operating in the city. But even as years passed, and he was starting to think that maybe that wasn’t a bad life, he still couldn’t keep those men in black with their laser guns out of his head. He spent months visiting all the most important government agencies, asking them questions regarding a special section or unit that operated in the city and took care of, well, things from the above, possibly with particular weapons, he always added, making sure he didn’t give too much away in case he was in the wrong place. But, apparently, finding the right place was not as easy as he thought it might have been, and, after years spent looking for a clue that those men in black even existed, Clark’s hope began to falter.

When Clark was about to turn twenty-eight, he had already convinced himself that what he thought he had seen almost twenty years before had really just been a dream, because let’s face it, he was a rather creative kid, so it was completely reasonable that he had imagined the whole thing. He got home one day and, after having one too many drinks, he started trashing most of his research findings, knowing that he had nothing concrete to work on anyway.

Some of his colleagues had tried to get closer to him during his years working for that paper, but he wasn’t really looking for any kind of relationship because he was too focused on finding information about the NY Branch and the Men in Black, as he’d come to call them, but the day after trashing his findings, he walked into work and started making conversation with all the people around him, finally making friends he could do things with. He found he really enjoyed the company of the woman sitting in the cubicle right next to his, Lois Lane, and began to see her after work, getting to a point in their relationship when he felt confident enough that he told her about what he thought he’d seen as a kid, and she simply nodded, telling him that she wasn’t really an alien-believer. And so another couple of years passed, and Clark would think about the Men in Black only when Lois brought it up, mostly to make fun of him and his obsession with a child dream. But every time he thought back to that night all those years back, there was a part of him that screamed that he hadn’t dreamt it, that the Men in Black were real, and that huge bug and the laser guns and the silver sticks, and everything else he remembered. Whenever Lois would tease him about it, Clark would simply sigh, waving her away with a smile, as if he was over that childish obsession, but, when he got back in front of his computer, he would open an explore tab and keep looking for weird things happening around the city.

And then, one cold day around Christmas, just as Clark was about to order some pizza for his dinner with Lois, an alert went off on his computer, and the man’s heart started beating faster than ever before. He immediately checked and what he found was that the system he had created was actually working for the first time. He was not a computer geek or anything like that, but Lois turned out to be, and one day she had offered to help him create a program that would him detect any possible Men in Black related activity, and Clark, of course, had accepted. The system was programmed to alert him if more than three black cars that suited the description he gave were seen in any of either Google or the city’s radars, combining that information with anything going on through social media platforms, hoping that maybe someone would write something useful to Clark’s case. Sure, not everything involved in that system was completely legal, and Lois had warned him about that, but Clark didn’t care, as long as there was an actual possibility of proving that he wasn’t crazy after all. And the day the alert went off, the system had found five black cars going towards a building site and then, right after arriving there, disappearing. Clark frowned at the screen for a couple of seconds, wondering if maybe it had all been just a system bug or something that had nothing to do with the Men in Black, but the computer was showing him a picture of five cars that looked exactly like the ones he remembered, so he decided that it was worth a shot. He looked down at what he was wearing and quickly changed into the black suit he kept in his wardrobe exactly for that occasion, and sent a messy text to Lois informing her that the system was working and that if all went well, which he doubted, he might never come back to work, so she wasn’t to worry if he didn’t show up the next day. Clark then hurried out of his apartment and stopped the first taxi that he saw, telling the driver exactly where he wanted to go, and please to get there as fast as possible.

“Are you sure this is the place?” asked the driver, looking at Clark like he was completely insane, since there was nothing and no one around.

“Yes, thank you” he quickly replied while getting off the taxi, “can you please wait here? I don’t think I’ll be long” he explained, taking a deep breath and turning to see if there were any traces of men in black suits. Clark started walking, thankful for his scarf and his coat in the cold weather, putting his hands into the coat’s pockets and turning around at one of the corners, leaving the taxi behind. Nothing, there was absolutely nothing there, but he kept looking, checking on his phone if he was in the right location or if there had been a mistake. And after a while, just when he realised it was also too quiet for an alien related matter, Clark sighed loudly, deciding in that moment that he would delete the system as soon as he got home and forget all about the Men in Black. He turned back, ready to head off to his taxi, when he saw a stray cat walking by, looking at him with big green eyes.

“Yeah, I know, there’s no one else here and I’m an idiot” he told the cat, taking a hand out of the pocket in order to try and pet the animal, “what are you doing for Christmas anyway? Want a place to stay?” he asked with a smile, but, just as he was about to touch his fur, the cat hissed and quickly ran away. Clark turned to look at the animal, even just to try and apologize, but the cat was nowhere to be seen.

“Weird” he murmured to himself, taking a couple of steps in the direction the cat had gone, “wait a minute” and with that, Clark put out a hand and started walking, really slowly. Nothing happened for another couple of steps, but as he was about to take a third one, he saw his hand disappear right in front of his eyes. The man blinked a few times, and then moved his hand back and there it was again, he could see it.

“One time opportunity Clark” he told himself, still looking at his hand like that was the alien, and then, after taking a deep breath, Clark took the final steps into that invisible wall.

“Look, I already told you” came a voice from behind the corner, and Clark immediately hid behind one of the cars that weren’t there before, “you and your family are welcomed on Earth but you’ve got to check in at the Alien Reception, it’s the rule” and then Clark finally saw them: eight men dressed in black suits and with dark sunglasses on leading the way for four other people with long faces, and, − did one of them have genitals on his face? Clark frowned, squinting his eyes trying to see better through the lenses of his glasses, and realised that one of the four people had, in fact, genitalia on his face.

“Fucking Ballchinians” came another voice from somewhere closer to where he was hiding, so Clark took a few more steps behind the car and lost his visual on the four people, “will they ever learn that there are rules on civilized planets such as Earth?”

“I don’t think so” chuckled another voice, but this time it was a woman’s voice, and Clark wondered if maybe it was People in Black and not just Men in Black as he’d previously thought. Maybe then Lois could also join him and become a Person in Black with him? Would she even want that? He was itching to stand up and take a look at everything that was going on, but he had to remind himself that he had a plan and he wouldn’t have another chance if he screwed up that one, so he waited.

“We’re done here, let’s go” announced one of the voices, another female one, and Clark quickly walked back to where he’d come from, careful not to make any sound. As soon as he turned the corner, he could see his taxi waiting for him, and he ran there as fast as he could, while simultaneously taking off both his scarf and his coat and leaving them on the floor. He got into the taxi just as the five black cars drove past it, and he ordered the driver, who was now looking at him like he was a mad man for throwing his coat when the weather forecaster told the entire city to expect more snow in the evening, to follow those cars and don’t lose them for any reason.

All the cars stopped in front of an old building that didn’t really match with the shiny cars and the expensive-looking suits, but Clark told the driver to stop there anyway, paying him quickly and getting out of the taxi as soon as he was done. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would have exploded, but he took a deep breath and started walking towards the main entrance, ready to finally find out the truth. He opened the big metal doors and walked past them, into what seemed like a small dirty corridor that, again, didn’t look like the place where the People in Black would work. A man dressed in a black suit was sitting on a chair and reading a newspaper while a dog was sleeping right next to his feet, and Clark knew he had never been the best liar, but he started walking with all the confidence he could find in himself and pretended to be someone he wasn’t.

“Have they already taken in the Ballchinians?” he asked, like that was a normal conversation topic.

“Yeah, they just got in” came the lazy reply, and the man didn’t even bother to check who was coming in.

“Will those fuckers ever learn that there are rules on civilized planets such as Earth?” he added, repeating the exact words he had heard one of the Men in Black say earlier at the building site.

“Fuck no” the man chuckled, turning a page of his newspaper, and Clark realised in shock that he was reading the paper he worked for.

“I swear to God if I’m sent out just to catch another one of them, I’m quitting” and this time, Clark almost smiled at himself because those were the words one of the Men in Black had used almost twenty-two years before in front of Kent’s farm right after killing a huge bug.

“Well said” agreed the man, still sitting there and reading the paper, almost as if he was replying just to be polite and not because he was actually listening to what Clark was saying. Clark was about to add something else, mostly because he was feeling really into that new character he was playing, with such confidence and arrogance that didn’t really suit his usual persona, when he got to the end of the small corridor and opened another metal door. He realised he was in an elevator with no buttons, and finally he started to notice some kind of resemblance with the Men in Black tech he had seen back in Kansas. The elevator started moving, and as it went down Clark crossed his fingers, hoping to find what he was looking for after so many years of nothing. And then, after a couple of minutes simply going down, Clark could finally see through the glass walls, and what he saw was the biggest number of people all dressed in black suits that he had ever seen in his entire life. Everyone looked busy, and no one really cared that he was coming down in the elevator, so he managed to take a look at what everyone was doing, starting from people simply walking and chatting, to those sitting at desks and working on big computers. To say that Clark was thrilled was an understatement, his heart was bumping in his chest and he had a big dumb smile on his face, excited as if he was still eight years old and not a grown thirty year-old man. Just as he was about to reach the level of the ground and get out, the walls became red and an alarm started beeping, with a really calm voice informing him that he was an unauthorised visitor and therefore was about to get transferred to an interrogation room.

“Great” he muttered, thinking of a possible way to get out of that situation, even if he didn’t know how to stop the elevator and, even if he did, there were no buttons to press in order to go back up. After a couple of minutes, the door opened again, revealing two big men dressed in black suits, and Clark was about to start making up some excuse to explain why he was there, but the two men simply took him by his arms and started pulling him out of the elevator and towards another metal door.

“Look, there’s been a misunderstanding” he was trying to say, while they made him sit on a chair in a white room, that was probably supposed to be some kind of interrogation room, since there was a big mirror right in front of Clark that looked a lot like the ones he’d seen on tv.

“I’m sure there has been” came a voice from behind the mirror, and Clark looked up, trying to see if he could spot the man speaking to him.

“I’m− I’m a journalist, sir, for the Times, I was looking for a good story and got in this building by accident” he tried, knowing full well he was a terrible liar and everyone could have noticed he was sweating like a kid right before a test he wasn’t prepared for.

“No, you’re not” simply stated the voice, and did the man have a British accent?

“No, I’m not” admitted Clark, taking a deep breath, “I mean, yes, I am a journalist for the Times but that’s not the reason why I’m here.”

“How did you find us?” Clark wanted to stand up and get closer to the mirror, but the two men from before were still in the room and still staring at him.

“I, er− I created a system that would alert me if more than three cars like yours were seen around the city” he explained, pushing his glasses up his nose, “and today the system worked and it told me where to find you and then I followed you back here because I want to become one of you” and now Clark was running out of breath, because he had told them all those things and at the same time he was still trying to process the fact that the Men/People in Black were real.

“It looks like someone forgot to neuralyze this young man” and it sounded almost as if the man was tired, “how hard is it to do the job without making any mistakes?”

“It happened when I was a kid, in Kansas” Clark felt the urge to explain, wondering what the hell ‘neuralyze’ meant.

“Fascinating” came the annoyed reply, “neuralyze him” but as soon as Clark saw one of the man taking a silver stick out of his pocket, he closed his eyes and pointed his head to the ground.

“No please!” he begged, still not opening his eyes, “I want to help you, I can work with you!” he almost yelled, hearing how desperate his voice sounded as he said those words.

“Work with us? You know nothing about us” and a few seconds after that, one of the doors of the room opened and Clark, hoping to be out of danger, opened his eyes just in time to see an old man getting in, dressed in black just like everyone else.

“I know you kill big bugs, and I know you don’t want people to know about you!” he started, now on the edge of his chair and looking right into the man’s grey eyes, “I know you use weird laser guns and that those sticks remove people’s memory” Clark continued, pushing his glasses on his nose once again, “and I know you’re always dressed in black.”

The old man smiled a little, looking at Clark like he was some kind of circus attraction and he was still trying to figure out if he found him funny or just crazy. Then, probably deciding Clark wasn’t really a threat after all, he took a few steps closer and stood right in front of Clark’s eyes.

“Why do you think you could help us?” he calmly asked, putting his hands behind his back, a gesture Clark had always associated only with old people.

“I’m a hard worker, I know what you do here and I know I could learn how to do the same” he began, “I want to know what’s out there, I’ve studied a lot and I know how to get the information I need to get” and now Clark really sounded desperate, and he knew it, but he had gotten that far so he really couldn’t stop before making sure he’d given all he had to give, “and I found you. Yes, it took me more than twenty years, but I found you, and I want you to tell me how many people can say that” the old man stood there in silence for a few seconds, probably trying to assimilate all the things Clark had said.

“What about your job at the Times? Won’t they notice you’re not there anymore?” inquired the old man, still eyeing him suspiciously.

“This really cool thing called e-mail could help me with that” he smirked, now feeling a lot more relaxed.

“And no one else is going to ask questions about you disappearing?” and well, there was Lois, who was probably at home having dinner and laughing at the thought of Clark actually finding his ‘Men in Black’.

“There’s a friend of mine” he started, “she knows about my, uh− interest in your Agency.”

“You’re going to give us her name and her address” the man simply stated, gesturing for one of the two men still in the room to take notes, “and also your boss’ e-mail address so we may explain to him or her why you won’t be coming back to work from tomorrow onwards.”

“Does this mean I can be one of you?” Clark thought he was dreaming, and decided to pinch himself above the wrist, just like he had done all those years back, trying to make it look like he was just scratching his wrist out of nervousness or something like that. And that time, much like it’d happened twenty-two years before, Clark realised he wasn’t dreaming: he was really about to become one of the men in the black suits. He kept looking into the old man’s eyes, and noticed the man was staring back at him, a calculating look in his eyes that made Clark realise he was still pondering the question. And then, after a few seconds simply staring into Clark’s eyes, the old man smiled at him, putting a hand out like he wanted to shake Clark’s hand or help him get up.

“Yes, it means you’re going to be a Man in Black.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!  
i just wanna remind everyone again that english is not my first language and that i know some characters might seem a little ooc so please forgive me??
> 
> also i wanna thank sensesonfire for beta-reading this chapter and giving me hope that someone will actually read and like this fic so yeah,, thank u so much!!
> 
> pls let me know with a comment what u think!!  
and enjoy i guess??

“You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MIB Special Services” the old man told him while some kind of tailor was measuring his arm length with a yellow tape measure, “you'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you” Clark simply nodded, putting his arms up when the other man told him to.

“From now on, you'll have no identifying marks of any kind” he made a pause, and it really felt like he was doing it just to make his speech sound more dramatic, “you will not stand out in any way, your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter” and he pointed at the glasses Clark was wearing.

“I need them to see” argued the young man, but he took them off as told.

“A simple laser operation should fix that” came the lazy reply, and the old man took his glasses and simply pocketed them, leaving Clark blinking in order to try and focus on his surroundings. They had already sent an e-mail to his boss, explaining why he’d had to quit on such short notice, and the only reply they got was an automatic e-mail informing them that their message had been read and approved, whatever that really meant. And now he was standing in a room full of black suits, letting a tailor take his measures and listening to the old man’s rules, while a couple of Men in Black were out there wiping Clark’s theories from Lois’ mind, leaving her with only the memory of once having worked with a guy called Clark Kent.

“You're a rumor, recognizable only as deja vu, and dismissed just as quickly” continued the man, and now Clark was starting to feel a little anxious, “you don't exist, you were never even born” the tailor left the room, and another couple of men came in carrying three big boxes. Clark was about to ask what was in the boxes, when the men opened them for him and revealed they were full of weapons, but not normal weapons: those were shiny laser guns, just like the ones he remembered.

“Holy shit!” he almost yelled, too excited to remember he was not a child anymore and was supposed to act like a responsible adult, “Do I have to pick one?” he was now standing right in front of the three boxes, smiling at the old man as he asked the question.

“Yes, pick the one you think will suit you best” the man replied, still looking a little bored.

“Awesome!” he gushed, starting to take the guns in his hands and trying to see which one he liked best.

“Anonymity is your name” continued the old man with his speech tone, “silence, your native tongue.”

“Cool” was the only thing Clark managed to say, too focused on the laser guns to really care about anything else.

“You are no longer part of the system. You are above the system. Over it. Beyond it.” and now the old man was looking right into Clark’s blue eyes, with a seriousness in his tone that Clark found almost scary, “We're ‘them'. We're ‘they’. We are the Men in Black.”

“That was, er− that was really a great speech, sir” he babbled, still staring into the man’s eyes.

“No need to call me ‘sir’, I’m Agent A” and with that, the old man took a couple of steps back, “have you chosen your weapon?”

“Yes, I think I have” Clark replied with a half smile, holding a big blue shiny gun.

“Good” he clapped his hands a couple of times, something that Clark found, again, incredibly dramatic, and the men from before came in taking the boxes out of the room. A few seconds later, the tailor returned with a black garment bag, and Clark wondered how it was possible that it had taken him so little to make him a suit, but he accepted the bag without a word and tried to take a look into it.

“Go change, I’ll be waiting for you here” Agent A ordered, and Clark quickly left the room, following the tailor in some kind of changing room, and thanking him again for the suit.

“I’m a Man in Black” he started singing, making sure he wasn’t being too loud, “look mom and dad I’m not crazy” he kept singing with a little smile on his face, but as soon as it hit him he immediately froze. Did he really forget to tell Agent A about his parents? Ma called him almost every week just to make sure he was eating enough and was not dying in the snow, how could he forget that? He quickly put on the suit, which really looked like a hand-tailored one, since it felt perfect on every centimetre of his body, and hurried out of the changing room. The tailor was still there, and asked him to turn around and show him if there was anything to change, but Clark simply reassured him that the suit was amazing and, after having thanked the man again, he went back to the room where Agent A was waiting for him.

“Ma and Pa” was the first thing he was able to burble, “we’re still really close and Ma calls me every week” he added, while Agent A was looking at him like Clark was yet again proving to be completely insane, “I forgot to tell you about them!”

“We already know about them and took care of them” Agent A calmly informed him, and Clark noticed there was another big black box standing in front of him.

“Took care of, wait− what do you mean you took care of them?” and yes, Clark absolutely thought it had the same meaning it had in every fucking movie he’d seen.

“We wiped most of their memory” came the reply, and Clark immediately looked up into the man’s eyes, “they’ll still remember they have a son, but they’ll think you were never really close.”

“Oh” was the only thing Clark could say, because he loved his parents more than anything else in the world, and he was in no way ready to just lose them like that, without any chance to actually say goodbye.

“And now the last thing you’ll need” Agent A opened the box and showed him a collection of black sunglasses, exactly like the ones he’d seen all the other men wear.

“Can I have one of those memory sticks?” he asked tentatively, a shy smile curving his lips.

“That you have to earn, I’m afraid” and Clark thought the man’s British accent mixed with the way he said things was really annoying.

“Great” he muttered, picking a pair of sunglasses and trying them on, “how do I look?” he asked then with a huge grin, unable to really see the other man’s expression because those were not his glasses.

“You look just fine, Agent C” but the old man was not smiling.

“Agent C?” he repeated, looking a bit confused, “I mean, I like it! No, I love it!” he quickly added, realising that they had simply taken the first letter of his name and put it after the word ‘Agent’.

“That shall be your name from now on” Agent A informed him, “and now please head out of the room and follow Agent M to the laser room, where your eyesight will be corrected” Clark nodded and did as told, following the woman dressed in a black suit down a long white corridor.

“So” he started right before she opened a big metal door, “why is it Men in Black if both men and women are part of it?” Agent M turned around a little, looking at him with a half smile.

“Because we live in a sexist society and there are certain ‘traditions’ such as this one that apparently can’t be changed” she explained, and her tone really didn’t reflect the smile she still had on her face.

“Oh” he replied, because he wasn’t expecting that kind of answer, “well, I know it’s not much, but I’m happy to be a part of the People in Black instead of the Men in Black” he added, smiling at her while they entered another white room.

“Thanks, I guess” she said, but her smile didn’t really reach her eyes, “this is the door for the laser room, they should be expecting you” she informed him, pointing to another white door, and Clark wondered how they recognised the rooms if all the doors looked alike.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, still smiling a little.

“Not really” she told him, and this time she did smile like she was amused, “or at least not as much as one would think” and right after saying that, she winked at him, turned around, and started walking back to where they’d come from, leaving Clark alone to face a laser operation to correct his poor eyesight.

The operation, thank God, was not painful at all, and, thanks to some sedative they gave him, he actually slept during the whole thing, waking up only when they were finished and already cleaning up the room. Clark blinked a couple of times, looking around the room to find out that he could, in fact, see everything perfectly and without glasses on.

“This is amazing!” he exclaimed excitedly, and one of the men still in the room looked at him like he was acting too childishly, “Thank you so much for this” he tried again, smiling at both the doctor and the male nurse, but none of them seemed really interested in anything he had to say, so he just kept quiet. They pointed at another white door and told him to go that way, and behind that door he found Agent M, waiting for him again, this time with a big notebook and a pen in her hand.

“Hello again” he greeted her with a big smile, “Did you feel this excited when you first opened your eyes and found out you could see without glasses?” he asked, trying to sneak a look at what the woman was writing down.

“Yes” she simply replied, not even turning to look at him, “I kept trying to push the glasses up even though I wasn’t wearing them” she added, and this time he could see she was smiling a little.

“Oh God I’m gonna look like an idiot” he chuckled, because he remembered trying to push the glasses up his nose even when he was wearing contact lenses.

“You’ll be fine” she reassured him, and she stopped writing for a moment in order to look up and meet his eyes, “Agent C” she added, looking right into his blue eyes, and Clark wondered what she was thinking about.

“What are you writing?” he then asked, breaking eye contact, “Is it something about me?”

“I’m not allowed to tell you, actually” and she kept the notebook right against her chest so that he could no longer try to look at it.

“So it is something about me” he grinned, making the woman blush a little.

“Guess you’ll never know” she told him, taking a few steps away from him and writing down something else, “c’mon, follow me” she added, and Clark started walking right behind her. They walked for a few minutes, mostly in silence because Agent M was busy writing down what Clark assumed were information about one of her cases, since it looked a lot like paperwork, and the only thing he could notice in that long corridor were some white doors, all completely identical.

“Is it some kind of debrief?” he asked her at some point, trying to catch up and walk beside her. Agent M sighed loudly, probably because she had already told him she wasn’t allowed to tell him anything about it, and stopped walking, looking up at him again.

“Look,” she started, “it’s not that I don’t want to tell you, but I shouldn’t reply to any of your questions, since you’re a new recruit” she explained, and Clark frowned a little.

“But you answered some of my questions” he simply stated, looking at her like a sad puppy, and he knew that was an effective look because Lois had told him several times.

“Oh, fuck it” she sighed again, rolling her eyes at him like she was already tired of him and his questions, “it’s just a transfer request” she explained, finally letting him take a look at the notebook, “for me, I’m asking to be moved to another branch.”

“Why?” he asked, a confused look on his face, “I thought the NY Branch was the best” she rolled her eyes again.

“There’s no possibility to become a Senior Agent here,” she replied, even if Clark had no idea what a Senior Agent was, “and I’m done with the chaos some agents bring” she concluded, looking really tired when she said that, almost older than her actual young age.

“What’s a Senior Agent?” he asked as she started walking again.

“You’ll find out soon enough, C” she told him, flashing him a quick smile right before opening one of the white doors near the end of the corridor. And finally, Clark thought, he was in the big room he had seen from the elevator, full of people dressed in black walking around or working behind some desk. He followed Agent M right across the room, and he noticed in shock that there were some weird creatures walking around, small and of different colours, some simply walking and some other flying above his head.

“There’s an Alien Reception here at the NY Branch, so it’s always really busy” Agent M quickly told him, making sure he didn’t slow down too much to look at all the creatures around him.

“These are all aliens?” he asked with a big smile on his face, trying to keep up with her and still take a look at everything in the room.

“I think so” she simply replied, moving fast to the left to avoid stepping on a big green tail, and Clark immediately looked up to see an alien looking a lot like the dragons he’d seen in cartoons, with the exception that it was wearing a tie and looked deadly serious about whatever he was explaining to one of the Men in Black sitting behind a desk.

“This is amazing” he whispered to himself, unable to stop smiling even if his brain kept telling him to stop acting like a child when he was, in fact, a thirty year-old man in a black suit.

“I know” Agent M smiled at him again, and he decided that he liked her, even if at first she had seemed a little cold. They kept walking across the room, until they reached another big white door, but this time there was a small sign right above it that informed him that he was about to enter in the ‘Area R’, whatever that meant. Surprisingly enough, the next corridor was a dark shade of grey, and they turned right almost immediately, facing another corridor much longer than the one they had just left behind.

“Where, er− where are we going?” he asked her when he noticed that she was done writing on her notebook.

“Recruits Room, I think Agent R is going to assign you a desk and, if you’re lucky enough, a mission” she explained, and after walking for almost ten minutes since they’d left the Laser Room, they finally arrived where they were supposed to get. The room was really big, even though there were no more than ten people in it, all facing a big blackboard and a young man talking animatedly. The first thing Clark noticed, with a little embarrassment, was that all the people in the Recruits Room were younger than him, most of them probably right out of college, and some even younger. And well, yes, he had been told that the Men in Black recruited young people all around the country, but it was still a surprise to find out that there were no recruits closer to his age, because no one simply found the Men in Black and demanded to be a part of them like he had done.

“Hey R” Agent M greeted the young man, he was probably in his early twenties, and Clark thought back to when he was his age, studying hard to become a journalist and find out more about the Men in Black, “I’ve got another recruit for you” she told him pointing at Clark.

“Hey there M, did you volunteer to bring him here just to have an excuse to say goodbye?” he joked, getting closer to them and smiling at both of them.

“Shut up” she sighed, rolling her eyes at him, but Clark could see she was trying not to smile.

“Sure thing, M” he chuckled, and then he turned to look at Clark, “Isn’t he a bit old to be a recruit?” he then asked, acting like Clark couldn’t hear his questions.

“A said he’s special or some shit like that” she simply replied, and Clark couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself.

“Well, I’m Agent R” he put out his hand for Clark to shake, “welcome to the Men in Black” he smiled and Clark did the same.

“Thanks, I’m C, er− Agent C” and really, he was about to just give out his real name.

“I guess I can take it from here, M” he added, turning again to look at the woman next to Clark, who was probably the same age as Agent R, now that he thought about it.

“I guess I’ll see you around, R” she replied, smiling at him.

“I sure hope so” he laughed a little, and then he pulled her into a hug, that she reluctantly returned with a little smile on her face, “and please, if you happen to stop by the UK Branch, tell Agent W he’s a dumbass” she nodded, chuckling at his words.

“I will” she assured him, and then she turned to Clark, still smiling, “Good luck, Agent C” she simply told him, and turned around before Clark even had the chance to thank her.

“You may join the others, Agent C” the young man told him, right before going back to the blackboard. Clark did as told, and went to sit next to one of the young recruits, trying to catch up on everything Agent R had already taught them, even if his handwriting wasn’t the easiest to read. Agent R spent the next couple of hours showing them the most common alien species, telling them which ones were welcome on Earth and which weren’t, and illustrating how the NY Branch worked, providing them with a map of the entire building.

“You’ll be assigned a desk and, if needed, a mentor” he was explaining, moving his hands a lot while he spoke, “for the first three months you won’t be able to go on missions alone or with another recruit” he continued, “you’ll either help a Senior Agent on a mission or go with two regular Agents that should be able to save the day in case something went wrong” he added, and there were already three hands up for questions. Agent R pointed at one of the girls that had put her hand up, and told her to please stand up and ask her question.

“What’s the difference between a Senior Agent and a regular Agent?” she asked, and Clark noticed she had a strong Canadian accent.

“Senior Agents are agents that have worked here for at least ten years and have succeeded in important missions, the kind of missions that actually save the Earth” he told her, and Clark thought this was more interesting than all the classes he had gone to back in college, “while regular Agents are usually younger and more inexperienced agents, like yours truly,” and he smiled when he pointed at himself, “or agents that never got the chance to prove themselves over the years spent working as Men in Black” he added, shrugging a little, “or then again, some agents choose to work in the labs and that precludes them the opportunity of becoming Senior Agents” he concluded, looking around for other questions, “yes?”

“Not really related to the topic” started the young man next to Clark, and again, Clark noticed he had a strong accent, Spanish or something like that, “but I was wondering if we’ll get to choose our Branch or if it’s gonna be random.”

“Most of the times you get to choose the Branch you’d like to operate in” Agent R replied, “but if a Branch needs agents, the recruits are usually sent there.”

“Oh, I see” the guy replied, and he looked a little worried about the possibility.

“Don’t worry too much though” Agent R quickly added, “if you’re not satisfied with your Branch, after three years of working there you can ask to be transferred to a Branch of your choosing!” he exclaimed with a smile.

When Agent R was done with the teaching, he told them to please stand in a line and wait until he called their letter, so that he could inform them of what Branch they had been assigned to. Clark started panicking a little, not only because he was the oldest in the room and felt a little like an outcast, but mostly because he realised that maybe there was a possibility that he was going to be assigned to a different Branch somewhere around the world and far from New York. He looked around, and noticed that no one else was worrying as much as he was, so he tried to calm down, thinking that Agent A probably wanted to keep an eye on him so he wasn’t about to be sent to the UK Branch or something even worse. As Agent R started calling the names and informing the young recruits, Clark took a deep breath, thinking that it didn’t matter how old he was or where they sent him, the only important thing was that he was finally part of the Men in Black.

“Agent C” came Agent R’s fresh voice, and Clark took a few steps to get right in front of the young man, “guess I’ll see you around” he handed him a little name tag with his name on it, “this is for your desk, you can wait next to that door and I’ll show you where it is” he winked at him, pointing to a white door at the other side of the room. Clark couldn’t help but feel a little relieved knowing that he was actually staying at the NY Branch, finally able to see his childhood dream come true, so he went to stand by the door and waited until Agent R was done.

“Looks like you’ll be the only new recruit for the New York Branch” Agent R smiled at him when he was finished, “how old are you again?” he asked, and he seemed really interested.

“I’m thirty” he replied, “how old are you?” he then asked, because it sounded like the most logical thing to do.

“Just turned twenty-three” he told him with another smile, and Clark had to admit he looked a bit older than that, even if it was probably just because of the suit, “c’mon, let’s take you to your new desk” he announced, opening the door and starting to walk down another corridor.

“How do you keep track of where you are?” the man asked after walking beside Agent R for a while, “Everything looks the same to me” he added, remembering how lost he had felt when he had first started college in NY.

“That’s because everything is the same around here” the young man explained, “I’m sure eventually you’ll start to find it easier” he chuckled a little, turning to look at Clark, “I know an Agent” he started, “that kept getting lost for almost a month” and he was still giggling at the memory, “and right when he’d finally found his way here, he got transferred” and at that point he was actually laughing, so much that they had to stop for a while.

“I hope I won’t be as hopeless” tried Clark, standing beside the young man and waiting for him to stop laughing so hard, “and I sure hope I won’t be transferred after just a month” he added.

“Oh, don’t worry” Agent R reassured him, “Agent W was a special case, a Senior Agent over there requested him for a mission and, well, he never came back to this branch” he explained, looking a little sad as he spoke. Clark remained in silence for a couple of seconds, not really sure of what he was supposed to say in that moment, but Agent R smiled at him again and started walking, so Clark simply followed him down the corridor. They walked for about five minutes, when finally Agent R opened a big metal door and Clark realised they were back in the big room full of desks and aliens.

“This way” the young man told him, pointing to the left, and Clark followed him diligently. The room was now less busy, and Clark was wondering why, when he remembered that it was probably night outside, since he was supposed to meet Lois for dinner when the alarm had started beeping on his computer, so it figured a lot of people were heading home for the night. Or were they? Clark realised he had no idea where he was supposed to live, since he had been told the Men in Black were supposed to provide him with a place to live and food to eat. And, now that he thought about it, he was also quite hungry, still feeling a lot like eating pizza.

Before he had a chance to ask those questions, Agent R stopped walking, and Clark looked up to see three lines of white desks, even if there were only two people there, behind two desks far away from each other.

“This is sector R, as in recruits” he explained, “and as in me” he added, chuckling a little at his own joke, “this is the North-West section of the Hall, which is how we call this big room we’re in right now” he continued, starting walking again towards one of the many free desks in the section.

“You don’t get many recruits, do you?” Clark asked, looking around to see that the other two recruits were still working on their computers and probably didn’t even notice him.

“As a matter of fact no, we don’t” Agent R told him with a smile, “but it’s mostly because this is the oldest MIB Branch, so we already have a lot of old agents that kinda prevent us from getting a lot of new ones” he continued, shrugging a little, “oh, yeah, and also because no one wants to come here” he added, finally stopping in front of a desk that looked like every other.

“What do you mean?” Clark asked while placing his name tag on the desk.

“The NY Branch has some of the best Senior Agents in the entire Organization, and people these days only want to go on big missions, so staying here makes no sense, since our Senior Agents cover most of the important stuff” he explained, now sitting on Clark’s desk.

“Don’t you want to become a Senior Agent?” he frowned a little, looking at the young man’s blue eyes.

“One day, maybe, but let’s say I can’t really ask to be transferred since my mentor is here” he told him, but he didn’t look really bothered by the idea of not being able to transfer or become a Senior Agent.

“So your mentor won’t let you transfer?” he asked, and Agent R shook his head with a little amused smile curving his lips.

“No, I just like it here” he explained, shrugging a little, “let’s say I got here under peculiar circumstances and now this place feels like home to me” he added, and Clark could tell he really meant it, “these people are my family” he concluded, looking around.

“Must be nice” Clark smiled a bit sadly, suddenly realising he no longer had a family.

“It really is” agreed Agent R, and then jumped off Clark’s desk and got back on his feet, “well, if you need anything my desk is right there” he exclaimed, pointing to the other corner of the room, where Clark could see fewer desks but more people. He nodded, and then thanked him, already wondering what he was going to find on the computer that was placed on his desk, when he remembered he still had a couple of questions.

“Where, er− where am I going to live?” he decided to ask, stopping Agent R from leaving.

“Oh, yeah, I suppose that’s also part of my job” he chuckled a little, scratching the back of his neck, “there’s a− well, let’s call it a Men in Black Hotel, and the New York Branch mostly lives there” he explained, and then he started looking for something in his pockets, “the floors should be divided between Senior Agents, Agents and Recruits, with a special floor dedicated to Agents or Aliens visiting, but since you’re older than the other few recruits, I think they’ll give you a room with the other Agents such as me” he added, finally finding what he had been looking for. It was the strangest object Clark had ever seen. A little metallic stick, apparently not special at all, but Agent R opened it in half and in the middle of the now two metal sticks there was a blue hologram, shining right in front of them.

“Holy shit” Clark whispered, mostly to himself.

“I know, right? Pretty cool tech” laughed Agent R, scrolling through the hologram with his finger.

“What are you looking for?” he asked, still staring at the object, “Also can I have one?” he added, almost immediately.

“I think they give you this little thing after three years in the Organization” Agent R replied with a grin, “sorry, man.”

“Why is it not in English?” Clark noticed with a frown, “That’s not English, right?”

“No” the young man chuckled loudly, shaking his head, “it’s Romani, I like it better this way” he explained, “it’s also very good for both my privacy and practising the language.”

“That is so cool!” Clark exclaimed, “I wish I knew another language.”

“Plenty of alien languages to learn, C” and then he finally stopped scrolling through the hologram, “and no, I was wrong, they’re giving you a room on the Recruits’ floor since there’s only five of you” he told him, closing the metal sticks and putting them back into the pocket of his suit.

“And what about dinner?” Clark asked, now officially feeling hungry as fuck. Agent R giggled, putting his hands into his pockets and taking a few steps from Clark’s desk.

“At the Hotel” he replied, shrugging a little, and Clark thought the young man really looked like one of those models you see when you go through magazines at the dentist’s, Lois would have probably loved him.

“I know I must sound dumb, but how do I get to this Hotel?” he asked again, feeling a little embarrassed for all the questions he was asking.

“It’s not a dumb question” Agent R waved off the possibility with the hand he had just taken out of the pocket, “you see that big door over there?” he then asked, pointing to a door that was exactly on the opposite side of the elevator he had used earlier that day.

“Yes” he nodded, still looking at the door.

“There’s a big number of tunnels connecting different areas of the city” he started, now looking back at Clark, “you just follow the one that has a sign with ‘Living Quarters’ on it, and you’re home” he concluded, smiling again at the man, and Clark decided that so far he had only met Men in Black that were kind and really nice to talk to, he hoped things would stay that way.

“Thank you, Agent R” Clark said, smiling at the young man, “I promise I won’t torture you with my questions again in the future” and they both laughed a little at that.

“Anytime, C” he was still giggling, and he put a hand on Clark’s shoulder, “I guess I’ll see you around!” he then exclaimed, starting to walk away from the desk.

“Sure!” replied Clark, still with a smile, and his eyes followed Agent R until he stopped at his desk, immediately greeted by some of the other young men ad women sitting there.

Then Clark sat at his desk, feeling a rush of excitement run through him at the idea that he was finally where he was supposed to be, and turned on his computer. The computer actually greeted him as Agent C, so Clark figured Agent R hadn’t brought him to a casual desk after all, and then asked him to set a password for his privacy and also for his future logins. As cheeky as it sounded, Clark chose ‘MaAndPa’ as his password, and even if the computer kept telling him that it was too weak, Clark shook his head and clicked to confirm the password, smiling a little at the memory of his parents and his happy childhood in Kansas. The computer already had several folders on its desktop, and Clark, now feeling as nothing more than a child with a new toy, decided that dinner was going to wait, because he was determined to go through as many files as he could before going to bed that night. And so he did.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!!  
feel free to leave a comment if u have troubles understanding the actual characters behind all these cool agents since i suck at physical descriptions


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